Holiday Mental Health
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of connection, warmth, and celebration. Yet for many individuals, it is also a period marked by heightened anxiety, loneliness, grief, and emotional overwhelm. Research consistently demonstrates that mental health symptoms do not pause for the holidays; rather, they often intensify due to relational, financial, and cultural pressures (American Psychological Association [APA], 2023).
This article explores why the holidays can be particularly challenging for mental health and offers evidence-informed strategies for coping—whether you are spending the holidays alone or navigating difficult family dynamics.
Why the Holidays Are Emotionally Challenging
Heightened Expectations and Social Comparison
Cultural narratives frequently frame the holidays as a time of harmony and joy. When lived experience does not match these expectations, individuals may internalize feelings of failure, shame, or inadequacy. Social media further amplifies this effect by promoting idealized images of family closeness and celebration, which can intensify self-comparison and distress (Vogel et al., 2014).
Family Dynamics and Unresolved Relational Patterns
Family gatherings often reactivate long-standing relational roles, attachment wounds, and unresolved conflicts. From a systems perspective, individuals may find themselves reverting to earlier coping strategies or family roles, even after years of personal growth (Bowen, 1978). These dynamics can increase anxiety, emotional reactivity, and feelings of helplessness.
Loneliness, Loss, and Grief
For those who are estranged from family, grieving the loss of loved ones, or spending the holidays alone, the season can intensify feelings of isolation. Loneliness during culturally significant times has been linked to increased depressive symptoms and reduced perceived social support (Hawkley & Cacioppo, 2010).
How to Care for Your Mental Health If You’re Spending the Holidays Alone
Spending the holidays alone is frequently framed through a deficit-based cultural lens, equating aloneness with rejection, loss, or failure. From a clinical and research perspective, however, aloneness is not inherently pathological. Psychological distress arises not from solitude itself, but from the meaning assigned to it and the absence of intentional coping strategies. When approached with awareness and agency, time alone can function as a protective and restorative psychological state rather than a marker of deprivation.
Reframe Aloneness as Choice and Agency
Cognitive reappraisal, the process of intentionally reinterpreting a situation to alter its emotional impact, has been shown to reduce distress and enhance emotional regulation (Gross, 2015). In the context of the holidays, reframing aloneness as a chosen boundary rather than an imposed absence can significantly shift the emotional experience.
This reframe involves moving from “I am alone because something is wrong” to “I am choosing solitude to protect my emotional well-being.” Such a shift supports self-compassion and reinforces an internal locus of control, both of which are associated with reduced anxiety and depressive symptoms. Naming solitude as an active decision rather than a passive condition affirms psychological agency and counters internalized cultural narratives that equate worth with social participation.
Importantly, this reframing does not require denying feelings of sadness or grief. Acceptance-based models emphasize that agency and vulnerability can coexist; one can acknowledge longing for connection while still honoring the wisdom of choosing distance when relationships or environments are emotionally unsafe (Hayes et al., 2006).
Normalize Ambivalence and Emotional Complexity
Holiday solitude often carries mixed emotions, including relief, grief, guilt, and calm. Research on emotional complexity suggests that allowing contradictory feelings,rather than forcing positivity, supports psychological flexibility and resilience (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010). Individuals who permit themselves to experience ambivalence are less likely to engage in emotional suppression, which has been linked to increased physiological stress and psychological distress.
Normalizing this complexity is particularly important for individuals with histories of relational trauma, chronic anxiety, or emotional over-responsibility. For these individuals, solitude may represent both loss and repair.
Create Structure to Support Emotional Regulation
Unstructured time can amplify rumination, particularly during emotionally loaded seasons. Establishing gentle structure, planned meals, movement, creative practice, or rest, supports nervous system regulation and reduces cognitive looping. Research on routine and self-regulation indicates that predictable rhythms enhance perceived control and emotional stability, especially during periods of stress (Fiese et al., 2002).
Structure should remain flexible rather than rigid. The goal is containment, not productivity.
Engage in Meaning-Making Rather Than Distraction
While distraction has short-term benefits, meaning-making offers longer-term emotional integration. Reflective practices such as journaling, art-making, or intentional ritual can help individuals process personal narratives related to belonging, grief, or transition. Narrative and expressive approaches have demonstrated efficacy in supporting identity coherence and self-acceptance, particularly during life transitions (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011).
Meaning-making reframes solitude as an opportunity for internal witnessing rather than something to be endured.
Reinforce Self-Compassion and Internal Safety
Self-compassion, responding to one’s own distress with kindness rather than judgment, has been robustly associated with lower anxiety, reduced shame, and improved emotional resilience (Neff, 2003). For individuals spending the holidays alone, cultivating an internal sense of safety becomes especially important.
This may include compassionate self-talk, grounding practices, or affirmations that emphasize worth independent of social performance. Over time, these practices strengthen the internal attachment system, reducing reliance on external validation for emotional regulation.
Create Personal Rituals
Rituals provide structure and meaning, especially during emotionally charged times. Consider creating small, grounding traditions such as:
Preparing a favorite meal
Engaging in creative expression (art-making, journaling, music)
Spending time in nature or reflective silence
Rituals can support emotional regulation and continuity of self (Fiese et al., 2002).
Maintain Meaningful Connection
Connection does not require proximity. Scheduling phone calls, video chats, or even asynchronous connection (letters, voice messages) can buffer against loneliness and reinforce belonging.
How to Cope With Difficult Family Gatherings
Set Clear Emotional Boundaries
Boundaries are not punitive; they are protective. Decide in advance:
How long you will stay
Which topics are off-limits
When you will step away
Boundary-setting has been shown to reduce emotional exhaustion and interpersonal stress (Katherine, 2000).
Practice Grounding and Regulation Strategies
When emotional intensity rises, grounding techniques can help stabilize the nervous system. Examples include:
Slow, paced breathing
Sensory grounding (naming what you see, hear, and feel)
Brief time-outs to step outside or into another room
These practices are supported by polyvagal-informed and mindfulness-based approaches to anxiety reduction (Porges, 2011).
Release the Need to Fix or Convince
Many individuals enter family gatherings hoping for repair, validation, or change. While understandable, this expectation often leads to disappointment. Acceptance-based approaches emphasize distinguishing between what is within your control (your responses) and what is not (others’ behavior) (Hayes et al., 2006).
When to Seek Additional Support
If the holidays consistently trigger significant distress, panic, depressive symptoms, or emotional shutdown, professional support may be beneficial. Therapy can provide a space to:
Process grief and relational trauma
Develop boundaries and communication strategies
Build self-acceptance and emotional resilience
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness; it is an ethical act of self-care.
A Compassionate Reframe
The holidays often reveal, not create, our emotional realities. Whether you are alone, surrounded by family, or somewhere in between, your experience is valid. Mental health during the holidays is not about performing joy; it is about meeting yourself honestly, with care and compassion.
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Stress in America: The impact of uncertainty. APA.
Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson.
Fiese, B. H., Tomcho, T. J., Douglas, M., Josephs, K., Poltrock, S., & Baker, T. (2002). A review of 50 years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals. Journal of Family Psychology, 16(4), 381–390.
Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26.
Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: A theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 40(2), 218–227.
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25.
Katherine, A. (2000). Boundaries: Where you end and I begin. MJF Books.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206–222.
